Saturday, March 12, 2016

In the Beginning

So you might be wondering what exactly is a Powder Room Bouncer.  It is exactly what it sounds like.  It's a bouncer who mostly stands in the women's restroom.

Why would anyone do such a thing?

That, my friend, is a valid question.  I, a lady, recently picked up a second job as a bouncer in a West Texas dance hall.  You people not from Texas might have heard of them referred to as "honkey tonks" but seriously, no one from here, or that has lived since 1988 has called them that.

It's a curious thing apparently, to be a "lady bouncer" out here in West Texas.  To me it seems as very logical and most people that I have discussed it with have agreed that, in general, it makes perfect sense.  So here are the facts to support my argument...

1. When alcohol is consumed, "acting a fool" is a HUMAN reaction.

Alcohol is blind.  It does not see any of the things that supposedly makes us "different."  Alcohol does not see race or ethnicity. Alcohol does not see nationality.  Alcohol does not see sexual preference. Alcohol does not see a redneck, a hillbilly, or a city person and alcohol certainly doesn't see gender.  Women can, and will, get just as crazy as a man will...and they will do it in the women's restroom, that sacred safe-haven off limits to men.  Of course male Security and/or male Staff members can technically go into the dangerous cave of estrogen if it is absolutely required to maintain the safety of patrons...but there are some hoops they have to jump through and all manner of risks involved.

I get to just waltz right in there, literally.  I love to waltz.

2. Minor females... ('nuff said, right?)

Young Ladies, while I'm sure in your own way you are each bright and brilliant....going strait to the bathroom once you are admitted in an attempt to wash the Xs off your hands isn't one of your smartest moves...

Normally, this isn't an issue for us.  Our venue is more of a live concert venue/bar/dancehall.  We do not typically allow 18+.  However some of our contracts with bands require that we admit the young'uns.  I'm not sure who is marking these young adults at the front door, but they take their job seriously, and for that, I give them two thumbs up.

Normally, I get to move around a fair bit.  But, on these 18+ nights, for the first half of the night, I pretty much just stand in the bathroom and watch girls wash their hands.  Creepy, right?
But I get to see some of the most hysterical things and I have started live-tweeting them as I see them.   (@KenzieBlye #PowderRoomBouncer) Ladies, don't get me wrong.  I appreciate and encourage AGGRESSIVE hygiene after using the bathroom, especially a public one.  That being said, I'm still going to have to remark your hands.  

womp womp :-(

I should be ashamed of the amount of pleasure I get from seeing the looks on their faces though.  They come around the corner of the bathroom all smiles and filled with purpose and hope, thinking they are about to wash those nasty Xs right off.  And then they look up and make eye contact with me and you'd think they walked into a glass wall.  Stutter steps and frowns.  I wish I could take pictures of it, but here is an adequate visual for you...


3. My small "delicate" presence does not challenge the male ego.

Make no mistake, I am well trained and I can handle myself.  The term "dynamite comes in small packages" totally applies to me.  But being a bouncer is not like the movie Roadhouse.  As my mom has said, "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."  And, this is West Texas.  Even drunk and highly intoxicated, most of these guys will not put their hands on a woman.  That doesn't mean it isn't possible, but generally speaking it's not their first reaction.  How much nicer is it, when you've had WAY too much to drink to be sweetly and politely walked out by a pretty little girl, as opposed to being told by some large mean looking man, that you have to go...NOW?

I don't know what it is about alcohol and men, but put those two together and a guy sees your traditional large, mean mugging male bouncer and they brilliantly think...I'm gonna fight THAT guy right there.  Bad idea sir.  But put man+alcohol and a pretty female bouncer all together and, generally, the reaction is "OMG SHES TALKING TO ME!!!! I'LL DO WHATEVER I HAVE TO TO KEEP THIS GOING!!" And before you know it, we are all at the front door and out they go.  It's not always like that, but you get the point.

So stay tuned as I continue to write about my very special experience as a lady bouncer in a country dance hall.  Follow me on Twitter @KenzieBlye and look for #PowderRoomBouncer to live the shenanigans right along with me!! The Lady's Room is a very special place and this is your opportunity to experience the sober hysteria of it.  

Xs & Os


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